TEN THINGS YOUR STUDENT WITH AUTISM WISHES YOU KNEW (PART 2 – THE SECOND FIVE)
These ideas make sense for other kids too
© 2005 Ellen Notbohm
6. Keep your expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly with hundreds of kids
packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about the candy sale is uncomfortable
and meaningless to me. Maybe I’d be better off helping the school secretary put together
the newsletter.
7. Help me transition between activities. It takes me a little longer to motor plan
moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minute warning and a two-minute
warning before an activity changes – and build a few extra minutes in on your end to
compensate. A simple clock face or timer on my desk gives me a visual cue as to the
time of the next transition and helps me handle it more independently.
8. Don’t make a bad situation worse. I know that even though you are a mature adult,
you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of the moment. I truly don’t mean to
melt down, show anger or otherwise disrupt your classroom. You can help me get over it
more quickly by not responding with inflammatory behavior of your own. Beware of
these responses that prolong rather than resolve a crisis:
· Raising pitch or volume of your voice. I hear the yelling and shrieking, but not the words.
· Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm, insults or name-calling will not embarrass me out of the behavior.
· Making unsubstantiated accusations
· Invoking a double standard
· Comparing me to a sibling or other student
· Bringing up previous or unrelated events
· Lumping me into a general category (“kids like you are all the same”)
9. Criticize gently. Be honest – how good are you at accepting “constructive” beyond
criticism? The maturity and self-confidence to be able to do that may be light years
beyond my abilities right now. Should you never correct me? Of course not. But do it
kindly, so that I actually hear you.
· Please! Never, ever try to impose discipline or correction when I am angry, distraught, overstimulated, shut down, anxious or otherwise emotionally unable to interact with you.
· Again, remember that I will react as much, if not more, to the qualities of your voice than to the actual words. I will hear the shouting and the annoyance, but I will not understand the words and therefore will not be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low tones and lower your body as well, so that you are communicating on my level rather than towering over me.
· Help me understand the inappropriate behavior in a supportive, problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding me. Help me pin down the feelings that triggered the behavior. I may say I was angry but maybe I was afraid, frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first response.
· Practice or role-play – show me—a better way to handle the situation next time. A storyboard, photo essay or social story helps. Expect to role-play lots over time. There are no one-time fixes. And when I do get it right “next time,” tell me right away.
· It helps me if you yourself are modeling proper behavior for responding to criticism.
10. Offer real choices – and only real choices. Don’t offer me a choice or ask a “Do
you want…?” question unless are willing to accept no for an answer. “No” may be my
honest answer to “Do you want to read out loud now?” or “Would you like to share
paints with William?” It’s hard for me to trust you when choices are not really choices
at all.
You take for granted the amazing number of choices you have on a daily basis. You constantly choose one option over others knowing that both having choices and being able to choose provides you control over your life and future. For me, choices are much more limited, which is why it can be harder to feel confident about myself. Providing me with frequent choices helps me become more actively engaged in everyday life.
· Whenever possible, offer a choice within a ‘have-to’. Rather than saying: “Write your name and the date on the top of the page,” say: “Would you like to write your name first, or would you like to write the date first?” or “Which would you like to write first, letters or numbers?” Follow by showing me: “See how Jason is writing his name on his paper?”
· Giving me choices helps me learn appropriate behavior, but I also need to understand that there will be times when you can’t. When this happens, I won’t get as frustrated if I understand why:
o “I can’t give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous. You might get hurt.”
o “I can’t give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny” (have negative effect on another child).
o “I give you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adult choice.”
The last word: believe. That car guy Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you are usually right.” Believe that you can make a difference for me. It requires accommodation and adaptation, but autism is an open-ended disability. There are no inherent upper limits on achievement. I can sense far more than I can communicate, and the number one thing I can sense is whether or not you think I “can do it.” Expect more and you will get more. Encourage me to be everything I can be, so that I can stay the course long after I’ve left your classroom.
© 2005 Ellen Notbohm
Ellen Notbohm is author of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew and Ten Things Your Student with Autism Wishes You Knew, both ForeWord Book of the Year finalists and iParenting Media Award recipients. She is also co-author of the award-winning 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, a columnist for Autism Asperger’s Digest and Children’s Voice, and a contributor to numerous publications and websites around the world. Her new book, The Autism Trail Guide: Postcards from the Road Less Traveled, is a September 2007 release. To contact Ellen or explore her work, please visit www.ellennotbohm.com .
These ideas make sense for other kids too
© 2005 Ellen Notbohm
6. Keep your expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly with hundreds of kids
packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about the candy sale is uncomfortable
and meaningless to me. Maybe I’d be better off helping the school secretary put together
the newsletter.
7. Help me transition between activities. It takes me a little longer to motor plan
moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minute warning and a two-minute
warning before an activity changes – and build a few extra minutes in on your end to
compensate. A simple clock face or timer on my desk gives me a visual cue as to the
time of the next transition and helps me handle it more independently.
8. Don’t make a bad situation worse. I know that even though you are a mature adult,
you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of the moment. I truly don’t mean to
melt down, show anger or otherwise disrupt your classroom. You can help me get over it
more quickly by not responding with inflammatory behavior of your own. Beware of
these responses that prolong rather than resolve a crisis:
· Raising pitch or volume of your voice. I hear the yelling and shrieking, but not the words.
· Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm, insults or name-calling will not embarrass me out of the behavior.
· Making unsubstantiated accusations
· Invoking a double standard
· Comparing me to a sibling or other student
· Bringing up previous or unrelated events
· Lumping me into a general category (“kids like you are all the same”)
9. Criticize gently. Be honest – how good are you at accepting “constructive” beyond
criticism? The maturity and self-confidence to be able to do that may be light years
beyond my abilities right now. Should you never correct me? Of course not. But do it
kindly, so that I actually hear you.
· Please! Never, ever try to impose discipline or correction when I am angry, distraught, overstimulated, shut down, anxious or otherwise emotionally unable to interact with you.
· Again, remember that I will react as much, if not more, to the qualities of your voice than to the actual words. I will hear the shouting and the annoyance, but I will not understand the words and therefore will not be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low tones and lower your body as well, so that you are communicating on my level rather than towering over me.
· Help me understand the inappropriate behavior in a supportive, problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding me. Help me pin down the feelings that triggered the behavior. I may say I was angry but maybe I was afraid, frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first response.
· Practice or role-play – show me—a better way to handle the situation next time. A storyboard, photo essay or social story helps. Expect to role-play lots over time. There are no one-time fixes. And when I do get it right “next time,” tell me right away.
· It helps me if you yourself are modeling proper behavior for responding to criticism.
10. Offer real choices – and only real choices. Don’t offer me a choice or ask a “Do
you want…?” question unless are willing to accept no for an answer. “No” may be my
honest answer to “Do you want to read out loud now?” or “Would you like to share
paints with William?” It’s hard for me to trust you when choices are not really choices
at all.
You take for granted the amazing number of choices you have on a daily basis. You constantly choose one option over others knowing that both having choices and being able to choose provides you control over your life and future. For me, choices are much more limited, which is why it can be harder to feel confident about myself. Providing me with frequent choices helps me become more actively engaged in everyday life.
· Whenever possible, offer a choice within a ‘have-to’. Rather than saying: “Write your name and the date on the top of the page,” say: “Would you like to write your name first, or would you like to write the date first?” or “Which would you like to write first, letters or numbers?” Follow by showing me: “See how Jason is writing his name on his paper?”
· Giving me choices helps me learn appropriate behavior, but I also need to understand that there will be times when you can’t. When this happens, I won’t get as frustrated if I understand why:
o “I can’t give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous. You might get hurt.”
o “I can’t give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny” (have negative effect on another child).
o “I give you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adult choice.”
The last word: believe. That car guy Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you are usually right.” Believe that you can make a difference for me. It requires accommodation and adaptation, but autism is an open-ended disability. There are no inherent upper limits on achievement. I can sense far more than I can communicate, and the number one thing I can sense is whether or not you think I “can do it.” Expect more and you will get more. Encourage me to be everything I can be, so that I can stay the course long after I’ve left your classroom.
© 2005 Ellen Notbohm
Ellen Notbohm is author of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew and Ten Things Your Student with Autism Wishes You Knew, both ForeWord Book of the Year finalists and iParenting Media Award recipients. She is also co-author of the award-winning 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, a columnist for Autism Asperger’s Digest and Children’s Voice, and a contributor to numerous publications and websites around the world. Her new book, The Autism Trail Guide: Postcards from the Road Less Traveled, is a September 2007 release. To contact Ellen or explore her work, please visit www.ellennotbohm.com .
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